VI.

It was about two years before this that Holden Cross had his first convert. She’d been a police woman, a fighter, a wife, and a mother of two. When Holden met her, she was no longer any of these.

She lay in a hospital bed, her skin all but burnt away. He came in, in his dark minister’s outfit, posing as a family friend. She looked at him through the swell of flesh that surrounded her eyes, wondering whether or not she knew him. She didn’t. But the spirit in him, it she’d grown well acquainted with.

“Hello, Officer Kayne. May I tell you a Bible story?” asked Holden.

She wasn’t in a position to refuse. So, she didn’t.

“It’s fairly known. It’s my understanding it’s even read in Literature classes at University. I wouldn’t know, I’d never set foot in one of those places. Too many useless ideas floating about. But I’m digressing. The story in question is about a guy named Job. He was a righteous man, a generous man, a man wholly devoted to God. He’d offer sacrifices, as God demanded, not just for himself, but for his family as well just in case any of them had done something wrong. And it’s this man that God chooses to use to make a point.”

Holden here paused to pull up a chair. He dragged the heavy white thing up near her bed then sat down upon it, sidling up to her like he was a loved one.

“Satan, the great enemy, comes up to heaven one day, bragging that all of us are within his grip. We are, of course, all except for the one guy, Job. God points out to Satan that there is this one man, untainted. Satan scoffs, saying ‘Of course he follows you, look at how you spoil him. You’ve given him riches, a happy, hearty family, health even into his old age. Why, with all that going for him, would he ever be tempted, like the rest of man, to do whatever he needs to do, be it evil or not, to survive? I say, if you take all this from him, he’ll curse you right to your face and prove he’s mine just like all the rest.’ God, stoic and sure of Himself, tells Satan to go on ahead and take away from Job all the things He’d given him.”

Holden paused again, this time to pick up her hand. She couldn’t feel this, wouldn’t, in fact, feel anything for the remainder of her life. She could see his ministrations though, his massaging of her fingers, the care he paid them, in spite of the futility of his act. It would have moved her to tears, had she any tears in her left to shed.

“It’s this part of the story,” Holden said, staring directly at her eyes, “that many people have a problem with. I don’t. You see, all of that, to me, it’s realistic. The idea that God’s Spirit goes forth from Him, searching about through the earth for good people, and then, for purposes known only to Him, makes them suffer, strips them down past the point that they can bear, well, when I inspect the world around me, that seems to line up with what I see. It’s what happened to me…it’s what happened to you.

“So, I don’t get hung up on that. It’s the end of the story that...really just…grates on me. I’ll tell it to you quick. God appears to Job and tells Job that he’s incapable of understanding all the intricacies of running a universe, therefore, Job needs to let go of all his questions and accept what’s happened to him. Job does. So far, I’m tracking. But then, here comes the part I hate, there’s this sappy, tacked on epilogue, where Job gets back everything that was taken from him. Can you believe that?”

Holden’s eyes grew incensed here, fiery as the flames that took the life of her family.

“Irene (I hope you don’t mind me using your first name), look at you. Robbed of your prime, mangled, destitute, and alone. Do you really think there’s a sappy, tacked on epilogue in store for you? No,” Holden shook his head, his teeth gritting, his eyebrows arched downward in fury, “no, there isn’t. The reality is, what’s in store for you, is unceasing torment, genuine, literal hell. You’re a victim, and, I’m brave enough to tell you the truth, your victimhood will never end. What then, is an ending like that, supposed to do for people like you?”

Holden swallowed heavy, choking back some emotion threatening to overwhelm him.

“But here’s what we’re going to do, Irene. We’re going to give up on false hope. We’re going to face reality head on and accept that God, He lies to us. There’s no epilogue for people like us. And we, we’re going to get pissed about this, we’re going to grab firm our resentment, let it swallow us, and then, we’re going to take our anger out on that Heavenly Liar and His creation. Yes, that’s what we’re going to do. Because otherwise, what else would we do?”

Ex-officer Irene Kayne had stayed silent through all this, digesting. It was an odd thing to be visited by such a strange character. And yet, it felt somehow providential. Like it’d been orchestrated by some power beyond them both. She, before Holden had even thought to come to her, had already been in the throes of such thoughts. 

All her life had been dedicated to the good of others. She, when young, decided, despite other opportunities, to go into law enforcement. She figured that, at times, what was necessary when dealing with criminals, was a woman’s touch. She would offer them a compassion men could not. Not that this meant she ever allowed herself to be weak. On the contrary, she built her body, put it through training, strengthened it, so that, should the need arise, she’d be capable of defending those who couldn’t defend themselves. In the midst of all this, she met a man, a broken man, who’d at times give himself over to drink. Still, she loved him and married him and birthed his kids. Even this was a sacrifice. It set her career back years. 

And yet, after all that good she’d done, here she lay, a charred husk, a mind who knew only pain incarcerated in a body without sensation. In the face of this, was there any alternative to, as Holden had put it, taking hold of resentment and letting it swallow her whole?

With difficulty, using his arm for support, she sat up in her bed. He looked at her as though he were witnessing a miracle. Once she was upright, feeling, for the first time in weeks, like she had purpose, she nodded to him and croaked out a feeble, garbled, “Yes.” In response, Holden smiled, like a parent beaming at some feat their child performed.

The two’s accord would be the start of great pains for us all.